It's been awhile since I've been on here, so here we go. We welcomed Zoey Charlotte Cummings on March 2, and she has been a blessing every day since. She's also been a little terror at times, but then again what new baby isn't. Matthew absolutely adores his little sister. He is very protective and most of the time very cautious around her....that is when he isn't tired or cranky or just wound up! One of the days when I took him to drop him off at school, he walked right into the room, put his hands on his hips and said so matter of factly "Excuse me everyone, this is my baby Zoey and you don't touch"! I can tell I'm going to have my hands full when they get older, but I can also tell that I've got a little watch dog in big brother, so hopefully that will make life with a teenage daughter a little easier!
I am now trying to get ready to go back to work, so in addition to trying to get into a routine again (with a much earlier wake up time) I'm trying to get out of the habit of taking my afternoon naps which I love oh so much! Hopefully I'll be able to catch some nap action on the weekends, but I'm highly doubting that!
In addition to our new addition, spring seems to have sprung unseasonably early this year, which means that daddy hasn't had a lot of bonding time with Zoey since she's been home. Opening the course our first week home has thrown me immediately into the "single" season of his profession forcing me to again feel like a single mom, now of two. Talk about a wake up call. Again, very thankful that Matthew has been so very accepting of his new sister, and helpful most of the time. It looks like summer is shaping up to be a long one, so I'm just trying to prepare as best as I can. WARNING: any future blog posts may be more rants of the golf industry, long days, golfing in general and what not, although I'm not sure exactly how much time I'll have to be blogging once the weather is nicer and we can be outside more (not that I've ever blogged that much when it's been winter and I have had the opportunity).
Now to brag on myself just a little bit, I only gained 11 pounds with Zoey, but I am very proud to say that I am down not just below my starting baby weight, but I'm actually below how much I weighed when I met Ryan! I suppose my children have had something to do with that....you know feed one, the other one wants fed, so by the time I can eat it's about 10 and I don't have the energy to do anything, but I am happy about my weight loss and hope that it continues!
Okay, off to eat the dinner that hubby brought home for me, but I figured while I had a free minute I'd post something so that my faithful followers knew I was still alive:)
Friday, April 6, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
WOW
Over a year since my last blog. Wow, have I been bad. I guess I really need to get back into this, especially with the newest addition just a few weeks off, but then again, I'm thinking that with a toddler, and a newborn, when am I going to have time to blog? Sure, I'll have plenty to talk about, but it's finding the time that will kill me.
As I said, we are hoping to meet our newest addition either this week or next. Another girl, Zoey Charlotte will hopefully be joining us at home soon. Matthew, I don't believe, is ready for this next step, but will be one of the best big brothers I imagine.
Ryan is busy at the course as he is every year. We planned the birth of this addition a bit better than the last two, but he's been keeping himself plenty busy as he hasn't had an assistant all winter. If you get a chance, head over to his blog "Just Living the Dream" and see what he's been up to. I have changed jobs, and now work for an Electrical contractor in South Bend. It's nice to be back in a field that I'm familiar with. I've also started following, on Facebook, an amazing group of women called the Wives of Turf. We have a website and everything. It's been nice talking to other women about the challenges we deal with due to the demands of our husband's careers.
I figured I'd just jump on at lunch and do a quick update. Hopefully I'll get some updated pictures of Matthew and the baby up soon (once baby gets here).
As I said, we are hoping to meet our newest addition either this week or next. Another girl, Zoey Charlotte will hopefully be joining us at home soon. Matthew, I don't believe, is ready for this next step, but will be one of the best big brothers I imagine.
Ryan is busy at the course as he is every year. We planned the birth of this addition a bit better than the last two, but he's been keeping himself plenty busy as he hasn't had an assistant all winter. If you get a chance, head over to his blog "Just Living the Dream" and see what he's been up to. I have changed jobs, and now work for an Electrical contractor in South Bend. It's nice to be back in a field that I'm familiar with. I've also started following, on Facebook, an amazing group of women called the Wives of Turf. We have a website and everything. It's been nice talking to other women about the challenges we deal with due to the demands of our husband's careers.
I figured I'd just jump on at lunch and do a quick update. Hopefully I'll get some updated pictures of Matthew and the baby up soon (once baby gets here).
Sunday, February 13, 2011
As sure as Death and Taxes
Okay, sure enough, I haven't been blogging every week like I had hoped too, but I do think that I have gotten better about it. It was as sure a thing as Death and Taxes that I knew would happen. We all have the best of intentions, but then life comes along and stops you dead in your tracks. It's something we've all grown accustomed to as we get older. Doesn't mean we like it, but it is a fact of life, just like those two things everyone dreads....death and taxes.
On that topic, I was recently reminded of something that my dear friend Melissa mentioned to me in a message awhile back, reminding me to blog again, about how she wasn't sure how to approach the subject of how we were doing post Addison. Of course, these things sometimes just float around in the back of your mind until they are once again brought to the fore front by tragedy. I recently learned that a dear friend of mine lost a grandson, pre term, but really close too it, and I was once again reminded of my dear friend Melissa as I wrote my words of "wisdom" into his sympathy card. Melissa's question was and is a valid question....what do you say, do you even approach the topic or just figure that the parents/grandparents don't want to talk about the situation.
Let me start by saying that no one knows what to say during the loss of a loved one. "I know how you feel" is fine, but it doesn't really cover it. It's like saying you know what someone feels like when you have the flu, you really don't, but it covers what you think the other person needs to hear. My normal words of wisdom, that I have had to put out there way to much, are that this is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. One expects to lose a parent, grandparent, spouse, but never ever a child, no matter what the age. It is your own personal hell that you will have to carry with you the rest of your life. The pain won't go away, it will supside, but you have to also learn how to answer the questions that you will get, "Is this your first" "how many do you have", and you also have to learn how to navigate around the triggers that hit you like a mack truck that you can see coming but can't stop. Mine is normally a song, or seeing a little girl that would be Addison's age. As for other people asking, after awhile, I think (and this is just me), friends that know the situation can ask how people are doing. Don't expect a rosey answer, depending on the time of year (holidays and birthdays can be especially rough), but if that person doesn't want to answer, they won't, and they will find a way to avoid the subject.
I've learned that if I don't want to talk about it, I don't bring up that Matthew is our second child, as that always brings up more questions. Most of the time though, I'm okay talking about Addison. I've taken the stance that God thought we were strong enough to handle something like this, and that is why he put it on us. He knew that we would have friends and family that would go through something similar to what we went through, and he wants us to pass along what it is we learned (I'm not sure that I really learned anything other than how to adapt). Like I said, in the almost three years since we lost our girl, I've had to write and send 5 letters/sympathy cards to people. I'm sure that not all of them wanted my "advice", but who and where else are you going to turn to when something like this happens? The grief pamphlet the hospital gave me was fine, and we got wonderful care from the Dr. and nurses, but what helped me the most was talking to the people that had been through similar situations. I think if what I send out in the world helps even one person/couple, than what we had to deal with wasn't worth it, but it had purpose.
Okay, so that was the "Death" portion....now onto taxes. I was sitting here tonight finally working on tax stuff adding up our Medical expenses for this year. Good Lord above! Now I was out of work for the majority of the year, and we also had three surgeries this past year, talk about expensive. I now know why it seems we can't get ahead. 10K later, we'll see if we get anything good on our taxes when we get them done. Seriously, and that's a family of three. I know that Matthew's problems haven't been big, Thank you to his angels, but come on people. It's no wonder no one can afford anything anymore. I guess that's what I get for insisiting that we have awesome medical proffesionals in our lives.
Now that I'm done ranting about that, I'm hoping to go through some pictures on the camera this week/weekend, so hopefully I'll have some more pictures to post up here soon. I know it's been pretty boring with me just typing on and on, but it does feel good to get some of this out. It's like free therapy, and lord knows with the rest of my medical bills, I can't afford therapy.
Thanks for being such good listeners!
On that topic, I was recently reminded of something that my dear friend Melissa mentioned to me in a message awhile back, reminding me to blog again, about how she wasn't sure how to approach the subject of how we were doing post Addison. Of course, these things sometimes just float around in the back of your mind until they are once again brought to the fore front by tragedy. I recently learned that a dear friend of mine lost a grandson, pre term, but really close too it, and I was once again reminded of my dear friend Melissa as I wrote my words of "wisdom" into his sympathy card. Melissa's question was and is a valid question....what do you say, do you even approach the topic or just figure that the parents/grandparents don't want to talk about the situation.
Let me start by saying that no one knows what to say during the loss of a loved one. "I know how you feel" is fine, but it doesn't really cover it. It's like saying you know what someone feels like when you have the flu, you really don't, but it covers what you think the other person needs to hear. My normal words of wisdom, that I have had to put out there way to much, are that this is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. One expects to lose a parent, grandparent, spouse, but never ever a child, no matter what the age. It is your own personal hell that you will have to carry with you the rest of your life. The pain won't go away, it will supside, but you have to also learn how to answer the questions that you will get, "Is this your first" "how many do you have", and you also have to learn how to navigate around the triggers that hit you like a mack truck that you can see coming but can't stop. Mine is normally a song, or seeing a little girl that would be Addison's age. As for other people asking, after awhile, I think (and this is just me), friends that know the situation can ask how people are doing. Don't expect a rosey answer, depending on the time of year (holidays and birthdays can be especially rough), but if that person doesn't want to answer, they won't, and they will find a way to avoid the subject.
I've learned that if I don't want to talk about it, I don't bring up that Matthew is our second child, as that always brings up more questions. Most of the time though, I'm okay talking about Addison. I've taken the stance that God thought we were strong enough to handle something like this, and that is why he put it on us. He knew that we would have friends and family that would go through something similar to what we went through, and he wants us to pass along what it is we learned (I'm not sure that I really learned anything other than how to adapt). Like I said, in the almost three years since we lost our girl, I've had to write and send 5 letters/sympathy cards to people. I'm sure that not all of them wanted my "advice", but who and where else are you going to turn to when something like this happens? The grief pamphlet the hospital gave me was fine, and we got wonderful care from the Dr. and nurses, but what helped me the most was talking to the people that had been through similar situations. I think if what I send out in the world helps even one person/couple, than what we had to deal with wasn't worth it, but it had purpose.
Okay, so that was the "Death" portion....now onto taxes. I was sitting here tonight finally working on tax stuff adding up our Medical expenses for this year. Good Lord above! Now I was out of work for the majority of the year, and we also had three surgeries this past year, talk about expensive. I now know why it seems we can't get ahead. 10K later, we'll see if we get anything good on our taxes when we get them done. Seriously, and that's a family of three. I know that Matthew's problems haven't been big, Thank you to his angels, but come on people. It's no wonder no one can afford anything anymore. I guess that's what I get for insisiting that we have awesome medical proffesionals in our lives.
Now that I'm done ranting about that, I'm hoping to go through some pictures on the camera this week/weekend, so hopefully I'll have some more pictures to post up here soon. I know it's been pretty boring with me just typing on and on, but it does feel good to get some of this out. It's like free therapy, and lord knows with the rest of my medical bills, I can't afford therapy.
Thanks for being such good listeners!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Goodbye's
This week, for anyone that has seen any of my Facebook posts has not been the most wonderful of weeks at my house. Matthew has been sick with a respiratory infection, and has spent most of the night awake, leaving Ryan and I with very little sleep. Of course, this has weakened both of us, and lucky us, Ryan is now sick with the same thing. Add to that every growing snow totals, and ailing family members, and needless to say that by this morning, on what should have been a very happy day this week, I was as close to miserable as I could get.
And then I got the call I had known was going to come, but that I didn't want to get. Russell Paul Pontius, my wonderful and loving grandfather passed away this morning at almost 92 yrs. of age. I knew last night after talking to dad that the end was closer than any of us wanted as he had been unresponsive since sometime on Wednesday, but I guess I wasn't thinking it would be so quickly. I'm lucky in the fact that in the last 6 days, I was able to talk to him 3 of those, not for any great length of time, but even just long enough to say, "I love you" was long enough, and made me feel better about trying to come to terms with the end.
I thought of calling the house last night, and having my step grandmother hold the phone up to his ear so that I could give him one last I love you, and a message to take to my baby girl, but I kind of did that mentally last night, and I'm sure that he heard me. I can only hope that he went quickly and without pain. I know that he was at peace with what was coming, and that he was ready, unlike so many other people, but thinking of someone you love in pain at the end is unbearable to even have in one's mind.
So as I face another week, of trying to not get sick myself, my husband being away for a few days, and finding out about arrangements for a loved one, the only reflection that I have is that you have to take every chance you can to tell people that you love them. This life is too short to be fake, so always be honest with yourself and with others. Live like your family would want you to live, all of our families dreamed of better for us than they had, and sometimes that isn't hard to achieve, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to strive for better. Make time to get to know your family members and where you came from, you never know when you might not be able to get that information again, and it won't be around forever.
I love you Grandad, and I know you loved all of us. You taught us well, you raised a good group of kids, and saw several generations grow. You have a family to be proud of, and we are all proud to have had you as the head of our family. We will miss you everyday, but you will never be forgotten, and I promise, I won't let there be "whirly gigs" on yours and grandma's stone.
And then I got the call I had known was going to come, but that I didn't want to get. Russell Paul Pontius, my wonderful and loving grandfather passed away this morning at almost 92 yrs. of age. I knew last night after talking to dad that the end was closer than any of us wanted as he had been unresponsive since sometime on Wednesday, but I guess I wasn't thinking it would be so quickly. I'm lucky in the fact that in the last 6 days, I was able to talk to him 3 of those, not for any great length of time, but even just long enough to say, "I love you" was long enough, and made me feel better about trying to come to terms with the end.
I thought of calling the house last night, and having my step grandmother hold the phone up to his ear so that I could give him one last I love you, and a message to take to my baby girl, but I kind of did that mentally last night, and I'm sure that he heard me. I can only hope that he went quickly and without pain. I know that he was at peace with what was coming, and that he was ready, unlike so many other people, but thinking of someone you love in pain at the end is unbearable to even have in one's mind.
So as I face another week, of trying to not get sick myself, my husband being away for a few days, and finding out about arrangements for a loved one, the only reflection that I have is that you have to take every chance you can to tell people that you love them. This life is too short to be fake, so always be honest with yourself and with others. Live like your family would want you to live, all of our families dreamed of better for us than they had, and sometimes that isn't hard to achieve, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to strive for better. Make time to get to know your family members and where you came from, you never know when you might not be able to get that information again, and it won't be around forever.
I love you Grandad, and I know you loved all of us. You taught us well, you raised a good group of kids, and saw several generations grow. You have a family to be proud of, and we are all proud to have had you as the head of our family. We will miss you everyday, but you will never be forgotten, and I promise, I won't let there be "whirly gigs" on yours and grandma's stone.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Loss
So with a new year and reflection of the year past, you are bound to think about losses you've had and what they mean to you and where you go from them. Of course, you tend to think about those things more when you are faced with an impending loss that you know you can't stop too. Unfortunately, one full week into the New Year, and I am currently sitting at the computer doing both. I just had a tear wrenching conversation with my Grand Father who is now being moved from ICU to home (sometime in the next two days) because his living will states that he doesn't want to be in the hospital. Now, my granddad is 91 years old, and has lived a good life, raising 7 kids, seeing numerous grand and great grand children come into the world, and even having to bury a few. We all knew that this day would come, at some point, and we've all had plenty of time to prepare, but it still isn't an easy thing to face no matter how it's dealt out to you.
We lost Ryan's grandfather last year, very unexpectedly, shortly after we had just been out to see him in NY. No preperation, at all for that loss. We lost his grandmother after a lot of preperation, if you want to call it that, but still surprised all the same....at 98 years old. His Uncle on his dad's side followed very shortly after that, and in the span of 8 months, his family has lost three people. We were able to prepare for all of those losses in one way or another, but for some reason, it really didn't feel like we were ready for them to go at all.
I know it seems selfish. I want to keep my grandfather with me on this earth as long as I can, and I know that after we lost Addie, he was tired and ready to go home then, but he's kept on chugging despite all of his health issues, and yet once again, here we are again, at the crossroads we all know is coming sooner or later, and again, it isn't any easier to admit he is slipping through our fingers. When I called him today, I was trying to prepare myself for it to be my "last phone call", and while he sounded tired, and ragged, he still sounded like himself. I told him about the snow, and thinking of taking Matthew out in, but then thinking I might lose him a snow drift, I asked him how he was doing and made sure to tell him I loved him and that I would do my best to call him tomorrow. I didn't mention our trip to Florida to see him in February, in a selfish attempt to help him keep going until we could go see him one more time. I didn't tell him that if I didn't get to talk to him again, that I wanted him to tell my baby girl how much I loved her, how much I missed her, and how I still hurt that she wasn't with us because that would be admitting defeat, and telling him that it was okay that he go....which it is, but still.
And while I sit here typing all of this out, feeling a bit silly and selfish that I'm putting this all out into the world, all I can think about is our Addie. I know my mind should be on the here and now, and the loss that I know I am about to face, but I think any loss you know you are going to have, or you go through takes you back to your most significant and painful loss....of a mother, father, sister, brother or child. And, so for now, I sit, thinking that I need to start dinner in my depressed state of mind, wondering what tomorrow will bring for my family, and missing my girl more than I have in a week.
We lost Ryan's grandfather last year, very unexpectedly, shortly after we had just been out to see him in NY. No preperation, at all for that loss. We lost his grandmother after a lot of preperation, if you want to call it that, but still surprised all the same....at 98 years old. His Uncle on his dad's side followed very shortly after that, and in the span of 8 months, his family has lost three people. We were able to prepare for all of those losses in one way or another, but for some reason, it really didn't feel like we were ready for them to go at all.
I know it seems selfish. I want to keep my grandfather with me on this earth as long as I can, and I know that after we lost Addie, he was tired and ready to go home then, but he's kept on chugging despite all of his health issues, and yet once again, here we are again, at the crossroads we all know is coming sooner or later, and again, it isn't any easier to admit he is slipping through our fingers. When I called him today, I was trying to prepare myself for it to be my "last phone call", and while he sounded tired, and ragged, he still sounded like himself. I told him about the snow, and thinking of taking Matthew out in, but then thinking I might lose him a snow drift, I asked him how he was doing and made sure to tell him I loved him and that I would do my best to call him tomorrow. I didn't mention our trip to Florida to see him in February, in a selfish attempt to help him keep going until we could go see him one more time. I didn't tell him that if I didn't get to talk to him again, that I wanted him to tell my baby girl how much I loved her, how much I missed her, and how I still hurt that she wasn't with us because that would be admitting defeat, and telling him that it was okay that he go....which it is, but still.
And while I sit here typing all of this out, feeling a bit silly and selfish that I'm putting this all out into the world, all I can think about is our Addie. I know my mind should be on the here and now, and the loss that I know I am about to face, but I think any loss you know you are going to have, or you go through takes you back to your most significant and painful loss....of a mother, father, sister, brother or child. And, so for now, I sit, thinking that I need to start dinner in my depressed state of mind, wondering what tomorrow will bring for my family, and missing my girl more than I have in a week.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
It's a New Year
Another year has passed, and at the start of 2011 I'm sure that most of us are busy making our resolutions, trying to start our resolutions, or possibly already breaking some of them. Hopefully not the latter! In reflection of the last year, we have had a lot of change in our family, mostly for the better. I know there are always things that we want to improve on, but I've decided that this year instead of resolutions, I'm going to make some goals. I figure those get more progress than resolutions anyway, so here we go....
I want to blog more....whether it be random stuff, or stuff about the family, I want to try to post at least one thing a week.
I want to be better with our family money, and my money too. Ryan is in charge of his fun account, so he can make his goal on that one, but I want to be better about it. I used to balance the check books at least twice a week, and I've gotten away from that, so this year, I'm going to make an effort to get back to my old ways.
I want to pay off at least one bill. I know I should aim higher, but I want to make these thing attainable, so One to start off with, and if I'm able to get to two, then I've done GREAT!!!
I want to get Addie her headstone. Obviously this is something that we have kept putting off, but I finally found one that we like, that's affordable, so that has become a goal for 2011.
I want to work out more this year. I'm hoping that now that I have the Wii Fit Plus this will be a more attainable goal, and I can lose some of the post baby weight from the babies, or at least get me moving more.
I'm sure that I'll have more as I have more time to think, but I figure at least this will get things kicked off on the right foot.
Last night (New Year's Eve) we did almost as little as we could. Some friends came over and played Wii until about nine, then Ryan was off to bed, and I stayed up to watch True Blood (one of my Christmas presents). Matthew was in bed long before midnight, but as I suspected, the was up at 11:45, and he and I watched the ball drop. I figure at least I got to kiss on one of my boys at midnight! Today, we're just haning around the house, being as lazy as we can be, trying to get some much needed rest in after the holiday and also to get ready for the busy upcoming year! I hope everyone has a safe and happy 2011
I want to blog more....whether it be random stuff, or stuff about the family, I want to try to post at least one thing a week.
I want to be better with our family money, and my money too. Ryan is in charge of his fun account, so he can make his goal on that one, but I want to be better about it. I used to balance the check books at least twice a week, and I've gotten away from that, so this year, I'm going to make an effort to get back to my old ways.
I want to pay off at least one bill. I know I should aim higher, but I want to make these thing attainable, so One to start off with, and if I'm able to get to two, then I've done GREAT!!!
I want to get Addie her headstone. Obviously this is something that we have kept putting off, but I finally found one that we like, that's affordable, so that has become a goal for 2011.
I want to work out more this year. I'm hoping that now that I have the Wii Fit Plus this will be a more attainable goal, and I can lose some of the post baby weight from the babies, or at least get me moving more.
I'm sure that I'll have more as I have more time to think, but I figure at least this will get things kicked off on the right foot.
Last night (New Year's Eve) we did almost as little as we could. Some friends came over and played Wii until about nine, then Ryan was off to bed, and I stayed up to watch True Blood (one of my Christmas presents). Matthew was in bed long before midnight, but as I suspected, the was up at 11:45, and he and I watched the ball drop. I figure at least I got to kiss on one of my boys at midnight! Today, we're just haning around the house, being as lazy as we can be, trying to get some much needed rest in after the holiday and also to get ready for the busy upcoming year! I hope everyone has a safe and happy 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
General Slacking
As a dear friend of mine reminded me, I have been a very bad blogger, but I am hoping to get a bit more active in it after the holiday's die down a bit. I know that's what we all end up saying about something in our lives, and I have found myself saying that a lot more. "We need to get together after the holidays", "I need to get organized....after the holidays". For some reason, it's always after the holidays, and then it just never seems to happen. So with this post, I am hoping to take my first step in the right direction, and guess what....it's not after the holiday, so I must say I am pretty proud of myself for that.
I will be trying to do some different stuff on here to "jazz" it up a bit, and make it a bit more interesting not only for me, but also for my few but true followers....more pictures, different area's. Of course we'll have to wait and see if that pans out, but I'm hoping that it will, so keep on my about it guys. It's always good to have friends that are willing to help keep you motiviated!
In case I don't do anymore blogging before the holiday hits (it's hard to believe it will be here and gone by this time next week), I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a SAFE and Happy New Year!
I will be trying to do some different stuff on here to "jazz" it up a bit, and make it a bit more interesting not only for me, but also for my few but true followers....more pictures, different area's. Of course we'll have to wait and see if that pans out, but I'm hoping that it will, so keep on my about it guys. It's always good to have friends that are willing to help keep you motiviated!
In case I don't do anymore blogging before the holiday hits (it's hard to believe it will be here and gone by this time next week), I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a SAFE and Happy New Year!
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