As sure as Death and Taxes

Okay,  sure enough, I haven't been blogging every week like I had hoped too, but I do think that I have gotten better about it.  It was as sure a thing as Death and Taxes that I knew would happen.  We all have the best of intentions, but then life comes along and stops you dead in your tracks.  It's something we've all grown accustomed to as we get older.  Doesn't mean we like it, but it is a fact of life, just like those two things everyone dreads....death and taxes. 

On that topic, I was recently reminded of something that my dear friend Melissa mentioned to me in a message awhile back, reminding me to blog again, about how she wasn't sure how to approach the subject of how we were doing post Addison.  Of course, these things sometimes just float around in the back of your mind until they are once again brought to the fore front by tragedy.  I recently learned that a dear friend of mine lost a grandson, pre term, but really close too it, and I was once again reminded of my dear friend Melissa as I wrote my words of "wisdom" into his sympathy card.  Melissa's question was and is a valid question....what do you say, do you even approach the topic or just figure that the parents/grandparents don't want to talk about the situation. 

Let me start by saying that no one knows what to say during the loss of a loved one.  "I know how you feel" is fine, but it doesn't really cover it.  It's like saying you know what someone feels like when you have the flu, you really don't, but it covers what you think the other person needs to hear.  My normal words of wisdom, that I have had to put out there way to much, are that this is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.  One expects to lose a parent, grandparent, spouse, but never ever a child, no matter what the age.  It is your own personal hell that you will have to carry with you the rest of your life.  The pain won't go away, it will supside, but you have to also learn how to answer the questions that you will get, "Is this your first" "how many do you have",  and you also have to learn how to navigate around the triggers that hit you like a mack truck that you can see coming but can't stop.  Mine is normally a song, or seeing a little girl that would be Addison's age.  As for other people asking, after awhile, I think (and this is just me), friends that know the situation can ask how people are doing.  Don't expect a rosey answer, depending on the time of year (holidays and birthdays can be especially rough), but if that person doesn't want to answer, they won't, and they will find a way to avoid the subject. 

I've learned that if I don't want to talk about it, I don't bring up that Matthew is our second child, as that always brings up more questions.  Most of the time though, I'm okay talking about Addison.  I've taken the stance that God thought we were strong enough to handle something like this, and that is why he put it on us.  He knew that we would have friends and family that would go through something similar to what we went through, and he wants us to pass along what it is we learned (I'm not sure that I really learned anything other than how to adapt).  Like I said, in the almost three years since we lost our girl, I've had to write and send 5 letters/sympathy cards to people.  I'm sure that not all of them wanted my "advice", but who and where else are you going to turn to when something like this happens?  The grief pamphlet the hospital gave me was fine, and we got wonderful care from the Dr. and nurses, but what helped me the most was talking to the people that had been through similar situations.  I think if what I send out in the world helps even one person/couple, than what we had to deal with wasn't worth it, but it had purpose.

Okay, so that was the "Death" portion....now onto taxes.  I was sitting here tonight finally working on tax stuff adding up our Medical expenses for this year.  Good Lord above!  Now I was out of work for the majority of the year, and we also had three surgeries this past year, talk about expensive.  I now know why it seems we can't get ahead.  10K later, we'll see if we get anything good on our taxes when we get them done.  Seriously, and that's a family of three.  I know that Matthew's problems haven't been big, Thank you to his angels, but come on people.  It's no wonder no one can afford anything anymore.  I guess that's what I get for insisiting that we have awesome medical proffesionals in our lives. 

Now that I'm done ranting about that, I'm hoping to go through some pictures on the camera this week/weekend, so hopefully I'll have some more pictures to post up here soon.  I know it's been pretty boring with me just typing on and on, but it does feel good to get some of this out.  It's like free therapy, and lord knows with the rest of my medical bills, I can't afford therapy. 

Thanks for being such good listeners!